Today’s daily writing prompt was really kind of throwing me for a loop and getting me to think quite introspectively. You see, I’ve always prided myself on being a bold and confident person, being able to dance through the complicated interactions of sales with both colleagues and clients. However, within the persistent buzz of my professional life, I could sense at times a yearning for moments of ‘solitude’—a ‘calm retreat’ away from this mess.
What makes you nervous?
One other thing has been obtruding through my mind of late; that fearful fact of time. I had realized this while on the bus, heading for that usual two-week trip to swim. If not for that short second, it seemed that among the crowd, one familiar face flashed—a face so dear to me, that of my friend Dan*.
In a split second, some sort of joy filled my whole being, only to be dashed to the walls of reality with the stark memory of his absence. Dan had left us too soon, and the gap created was palpable.
His passing just weeks prior to another close friend, Ash’s*, wedding was a harsh reminder of the impermanence of life. It made me deal with the uncomfortable reality that our time here is, at best, uncertain.
And in this is where my dread gets rooted, the fear of not being able to live life as one really is, to leave dreams unchased and passions unexplored. This is what haunts me and is the fear that pushes me towards living life with purpose and intent every single day.
So I promised myself: to live every day as if it would be the last one, to dream very determinedly, and make a life that feels exactly like mine.
*Names have been altered to protect the privacy of my inner circle.
Hilary Travels 